Charlie Badenhop is the originator of Seishindo, an Aikido instructor, NLP trainer, and Ericksonian Hypnotherapist. I am sharing with you one of his thoughts from his newsletter, "Pure Heart, Simple Mind".
Do you have the feeling you're fully appreciating your life RIGHT NOW, or are you somehow failing to treasure the richness of all you have in the moment? Living a life of gratitude is a challenge that I think most all of us face.
Three years ago the eight year old daughter of a friend died in a freak accident at school. My friend was devastated and I could not think of any wise words that might console him. As the weeks rolled by my friend slipped into an ever deeper sense of despair, and nothing anyone said seemed to lift his spirit.
After a few months time he went out of town on a business trip, and on the train ride back home he engaged in a conversation with the woman sitting next to him. The woman sat there and nodded her head often as my friend talked about the death of his daughter. He reported to me that he had the sense of talking and talking and talking, until he finally felt like he had nothing more to say.
As my friend came to a natural state of rest, the woman nodded her head one more time as she took a deep breath, and then said the following, "I can very much feel your pain, and I understand that the loss of your child must be devastating.
At the same time," she said, "I wonder if your pain would not be lessened if you celebrated the life of your daughter."You told me about your daughter's sense of awe the first time you took her to the ocean, and how you carried her in your arms as you waded out into the water. You also spoke about the many times she sat on your lap and told you about the magical adventures she had during the course of her day. Perhaps the sweetest story you shared was how you told your daughter every night how much you loved her as you tucked her into bed."I am wondering," the woman said, "What is it that leads you to believe that you and your daughter did not live a glorious fulfilling life together? Is it because she died at eight years old and not at eighty? Certainly it would seem that the quality of one's life is not tied to the length of one's life. I would suggest that you and your daughter did perhaps live a full and complete life together. She just didn't live as long as you had hoped for and expected."As the train neared the station the woman continued speaking, "I am fifty two years old, and in looking back on my life I don't feel I have shared with anyone, the depth of experience and love you and your daughter had together. On one hand this makes me deeply sad. On the other hand, it helps me to realize that with the time I have left, I can indeed strive to live a complete and fulfilling life. This is the realization that your experience has helped me to understand, and for this wonderful gift I thank you deeply."The woman smiled as she stood up, preparing to exit the train.
"None of us know how long we have to live. We don't seem to have all that much control over the length of our life. The quality of our life on the other hand, we can indeed ensure on a daily basis. It is never too soon to begin to enjoy and fully appreciate the life we do have, right here and now."
Showing posts with label Balance of life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Balance of life. Show all posts
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Diane,
A woman in my online group was being very negative about her husband and the
group leader told her to try to think of some positives, even if it were
difficult. This is what she came up with. I thought it was touching. I
just wanted you to see it.
- - - - - - - - -
He was very helpful in the kitchen. He usually got home from work around 3 PM, and he usually made dinner for the family. I don't get home until around 5 PM.
He did all the yard work, took care of all car maintenance, always
called me if he was going to be late, instilled complete trust, did the
lion's share of bill paying because I hate to write due to carpal tunnel
syndrome, balanced the checkbook, fixed the toilet when it would break (regularly), painted the outside of the house.
He usually remembered to put the toilet seat and lid down. He vacuumed occasionally. He spent lots of time with the kids. He bought advent calendars with chocolate behind each day for the kids every Christmas season. He laughed and joked a lot, and didn't like to be serious.
He told me when I looked good. He learned to enjoy horses because our girls and I loved to ride.
He was willing to try new dishes I prepared. He loved my lasagna. He went to church with the family every Sunday, even though he had trouble staying awake during preaching.
Although he doesn't like classical music, he went to almost every concert our daughters played in when they were in youth
symphony (4 years for one and 6 years for the other).
He held my hand through 3 labors and deliveries, and whispered in my ear to encourage me. He lovingly dressed an open wound for me after surgery for a breast abscess after the birth of our 3rd.
Four years later, he stood beside my bed as I was being wheeled to surgery to remove a breast due to cancer, and tears filled his eyes as they did mine. That was in 1989.
He walked the floor for hours at night with a sleepless, cranky child. He spooned cereal and baby food into little mouths, and endured spit-up and baby poop on his clothing. He helped me take care of my mother as she was dying of cancer.
Is this what you mean, JJ? It was difficult to get started, but look what I accomplished! I also have a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes right now. He was a fantastic husband! My sister told me he "adored" me, and I guess that's correct for a lot of the 26 years we have been married.
--Unknown
Balance of Life
Mary and Susan were friends for years. They grew up together and attended the same schools. They were now both in their 40's, and both had great careers. They both had a similar upbringing - same education, same family values, similar support and financial position. But there was one main difference. Mary never seemed to have enough time. She watched her lifelong friend Susan. She had similar responsibilities and interests. Susan had a career, she had three children, and she had her hobbies, one of which included golf. Over lunch, Susan was telling Mary about the golf game that she played last weekend.
"Susan, where do you find the time to play golf?" asked Mary. "I never seem to have the time, now with the children older and doing their own thing I thought I would have time to play golf like we did when we were in college."
Susan looked at Mary and laughed, "Mary, we both have the same hours in a day. You do have the time to play golf!"
With a sigh Mary replied, "That's easy for you to say. I never seem to have time. My work takes so much of my time. I am in the office at 7:30; I leave at 6:30 in the evening. By the time I get home and have dinner, it is 8:00! And, then I usually have a briefcase full of work. The weekends are full of more work. Just to keep up, I have to put in the hours. You know what it is like!"
"Of course, I know what it is like," Mary said. "But what would happen tomorrow if you got sick? Who would do the work?"
"Sick. Who has time to get sick! Exclaimed Mary. "But if I did get sick, someone else would do the work, I suppose."
"You know something, Mary, I used to be like you. I worked night and day and of course on weekends. When I got home I was exhausted but I would push myself and read my children a bedtime story. By the time I went to bed, I would be more than exhausted. The boss I had was very demanding. She was there early in the morning, late at night, and she always worked weekends. I felt I had to do the same - I needed the job to help support my family - just as you did. But then I had a change of bosses. The man I worked for was older and much wiser, I might add! Of course, I continued to work the hours I had been working. One day he came to my desk and passed me a card that had a quote on it which said, 'What I do today is important, because I will never have today again' - and then he left.
I sat there stunned. I suddenly thought of what was important to me. While my work was important, I realized my children were more important. I also realized that time for me was important. It was 4:30, the official closing time of the office. I straightened my desk, felt a twinge of guilt about leaving, but I forced myself to leave. I was home by 5:00.My children and husband were surprised. I had a wonderful evening. It was not a chore to read that bedtime story that evening."
Mary was looking at her friend thoughtfully and then questioned Susan about the work she had left on her desk.
Susan replied, "I never thought this possible, but I actually accomplished more the next day then I had in weeks. As I was leaving the next day I stopped at my new boss's office and thanked him for the quote. He told me a story about advice his dad had given him many years ago when he was working night and day. He referred to it as 'Balance of Life'. His dad told him to keep balance in his work, in his family life and in time for himself. He explained to me, while all aspects of our life are important, without a balance, you become addicted and like all addictions you lose-
- no balance with your family - you lose them
- no balance with your work - you lose your perspective and you actually lose focus on the important aspects of
Your job.
- No balance with yourself - you forget who you are and when you retire you have nothing! Or worse than that, if you lose your job through a company sale or downsizing you lose your identity.
He went on to tell me that who we are is NOT what we do to make a living. Who we are is a balance of our family, our work, ourselves! It truly was the best advice I ever received."
Mary took a drink of her tea and tearfully looked at her friend, "But I would never get my work done if I left at 4:30!"
Susan looked thoughtfully at her, "When you go to work on Monday, look at what you have on your desk. Make a list of everything you have to get done and beside that list write the impact of not doing it. Then focus only on the top three items that have the most impact. Do that every day for a week. At first, you will find it difficult to leave. But, after a while, you will find that you will have more energy, and you will be more focused in your work because you have BALANCE! There are times when we have to lose balance - a special project at work, or a family matter at home - but consciously focusing on balance keeps everything in check."
Mary smiled at her friend, "Thanks for talking with me. We have been friends for so long. Thank heavens I have balance with your friendship! You have convinced me. I will leave the work in my briefcase this weekend. On Monday, I will make the list first thing. Perhaps next weekend, I will have the time to go golfing with you!"
"Balance of Life" - important for us ALL!
"Susan, where do you find the time to play golf?" asked Mary. "I never seem to have the time, now with the children older and doing their own thing I thought I would have time to play golf like we did when we were in college."
Susan looked at Mary and laughed, "Mary, we both have the same hours in a day. You do have the time to play golf!"
With a sigh Mary replied, "That's easy for you to say. I never seem to have time. My work takes so much of my time. I am in the office at 7:30; I leave at 6:30 in the evening. By the time I get home and have dinner, it is 8:00! And, then I usually have a briefcase full of work. The weekends are full of more work. Just to keep up, I have to put in the hours. You know what it is like!"
"Of course, I know what it is like," Mary said. "But what would happen tomorrow if you got sick? Who would do the work?"
"Sick. Who has time to get sick! Exclaimed Mary. "But if I did get sick, someone else would do the work, I suppose."
"You know something, Mary, I used to be like you. I worked night and day and of course on weekends. When I got home I was exhausted but I would push myself and read my children a bedtime story. By the time I went to bed, I would be more than exhausted. The boss I had was very demanding. She was there early in the morning, late at night, and she always worked weekends. I felt I had to do the same - I needed the job to help support my family - just as you did. But then I had a change of bosses. The man I worked for was older and much wiser, I might add! Of course, I continued to work the hours I had been working. One day he came to my desk and passed me a card that had a quote on it which said, 'What I do today is important, because I will never have today again' - and then he left.
I sat there stunned. I suddenly thought of what was important to me. While my work was important, I realized my children were more important. I also realized that time for me was important. It was 4:30, the official closing time of the office. I straightened my desk, felt a twinge of guilt about leaving, but I forced myself to leave. I was home by 5:00.My children and husband were surprised. I had a wonderful evening. It was not a chore to read that bedtime story that evening."
Mary was looking at her friend thoughtfully and then questioned Susan about the work she had left on her desk.
Susan replied, "I never thought this possible, but I actually accomplished more the next day then I had in weeks. As I was leaving the next day I stopped at my new boss's office and thanked him for the quote. He told me a story about advice his dad had given him many years ago when he was working night and day. He referred to it as 'Balance of Life'. His dad told him to keep balance in his work, in his family life and in time for himself. He explained to me, while all aspects of our life are important, without a balance, you become addicted and like all addictions you lose-
- no balance with your family - you lose them
- no balance with your work - you lose your perspective and you actually lose focus on the important aspects of
Your job.
- No balance with yourself - you forget who you are and when you retire you have nothing! Or worse than that, if you lose your job through a company sale or downsizing you lose your identity.
He went on to tell me that who we are is NOT what we do to make a living. Who we are is a balance of our family, our work, ourselves! It truly was the best advice I ever received."
Mary took a drink of her tea and tearfully looked at her friend, "But I would never get my work done if I left at 4:30!"
Susan looked thoughtfully at her, "When you go to work on Monday, look at what you have on your desk. Make a list of everything you have to get done and beside that list write the impact of not doing it. Then focus only on the top three items that have the most impact. Do that every day for a week. At first, you will find it difficult to leave. But, after a while, you will find that you will have more energy, and you will be more focused in your work because you have BALANCE! There are times when we have to lose balance - a special project at work, or a family matter at home - but consciously focusing on balance keeps everything in check."
Mary smiled at her friend, "Thanks for talking with me. We have been friends for so long. Thank heavens I have balance with your friendship! You have convinced me. I will leave the work in my briefcase this weekend. On Monday, I will make the list first thing. Perhaps next weekend, I will have the time to go golfing with you!"
"Balance of Life" - important for us ALL!
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